Today, Shaun and I have been married for 1 month! Shaun doesn’t like being the lovey dovey one, so I have to be. I don’t mind, especially since it means I get to write things like this. Obviously, not much has changed in a month, but I want to go over some key things in our relationship that we do. These are things that us be happy with each other and in our lives and maybe it can help you.
Every. Single. Night. Shaun and I will say what we are grateful for from that day. It doesn’t matter what it is or how small it is or how many there are. You just need to say what you are grateful for. This always allows you to go to bed with some type of happiness and it makes you think about the good things that happened that day. There are some days that I feel like don’t go the greatest, but there is always something small that I can be grateful for. I almost always include that I am grateful for Shaun every day, if not him then something he did that day that I am super happy for. It shows that we care for the little things in life and that something they may have done didn’t go unnoticed.
Always try. What I mean is that even though you are married and you made a vow to each other, you still need to put effort into the relationship. If you stop trying, then neither of you will be happy and you most likely will not end up together. Once again, it can be small things like sending a text to the other reminding them how much you love or appreciate them. Someday make something special for your significant other without them having to tell you. If you need, act like you are still dating and you constantly want to make sure you are doing enough for them that they don’t want to leave. Just keep trying.
Remember what your love languages are. If you don’t know or remember, then take the quiz and find out. It is one of the most important things any couple can do in their relationship. Shaun and I found out what things we want from each other. I like quality time and Shaun likes words of affirmation. So you know what we do? WE GIVE EACH OTHER THOSE THINGS! It has helped so much to know that Shaun feels extra love when I remind him how proud I am of him. The love languages are anything extreme either, they are just something that you need to form a habit out of that can improve your relationship.
The last thing I got for you is, communication. It relates to all three things above too. You have to be able to openly talk to each other about everything. If you don’t feel happy, then you should feel safe to tell your significant other that. Once you tell them, then the two of you can try to figure out why that is and how to solve it. If you don’t express your feelings then how will they know that anything is going wrong? They won’t, people can’t read minds! This also goes for positive things too. If you like when they do something, then praise them and it will probably happen more often. If you don’t feel comfortable doing those things then what is the point of being together? In my mind, there isn’t. You are spending the rest of your life with someone and you are going to have to be happy to make it work. So make your lives easier by communicating it. I’ve come to Shaun with a document with bullet points before, to make sure that I didn’t forget anything. It isn’t bad, I just wanted to see him and I work out and things needed to change for that to happen. Look, it worked out! So, talk to them and be happy.
I just want people to be happy, because it isn’t that hard if you put effort into it. Once you start doing it, it gets easier with time. So, keep trying. Also, a therapist is not a bad thing to look into if your relationship is rough. They are there to help, so use those resources!
Be happy!
From Your Life Tutor
-Sam
Tutors of Life 