One of our friends told us to take the Enneagram Test to find out our personality types. I have always enjoyed taking tests like this, to figure out what I can do to improve myself. It seems easier to improve when you can figure out the mental side of why you are the way you are. We have talked a little about this on our podcast, but I figured I could expand on it.
So, you can google this test and take the first one. They are a bit lengthy, but it is pretty descriptive at the end. The Enneagram test has 9 different categories, which is the most categories I have seen in a personality test. I am sure there are others out there that I haven’t taken that have more. Shaun and I both took it, which allowed us to understand our relationship better. I highly recommend having everyone and anyone you know take it, just so you can learn a little more about their personality.
My personality type is 9, known as the Peacemaker (the mediator or the preservationist). According to the EnneaApp, my main theme is, I forget myself and merge with others in order to gain love and belonging. I avoid conflict in an effort to sidestep the pain of loss and separation. I seek harmony/balance; leads to a loss of personal boundaries/priorities.
There is another long list of characteristics that describe me too well on the app. These two things show me that I am the type of person that wants everyone to be happy and if they are happy, so am I. With this knowledge I need to start listening to what I want and not do what others want all the time. This has been SO helpful for wedding planning. There was a period of time, where I wanted to change my plan completely to accommodate part of my family. Shaun was able to redirect me and remind me that it is OUR day and not my families. So, I should do what I want to do and it does not matter if they are happy, as long as I am.
Another characteristic is that my attention span is not good, and I am often spacey and struggle prioritizing. This is definitely me in a heartbeat. I have started to learn how to get around this, but I still struggle with it at times. Lately, when I know I need to get things done, I will make myself a checklist for the day. It really helps me prioritize what’s on the list and visualize everything. If I don’t have a list in front of me, I will do random other things and will forget half of the things I needed to do. Writing this blog is a great example of that! I was supposed to do it on Sunday, I did not make a list, and now I am writing it at 6:30 am on the morning it is supposed to be posted. If I would have wrote it down on a list, it would have been done ahead of time.
Next, we can look at how my and Shaun’s personality types mesh together. Shaun is a type 3 (the achiever, describes him well), his personality is about being successful and seeking achievement. A 3-9 relationship is very common, and it is nice because 3 will ramp up 9, and 9 will slow 3 down. Shaun has always been the one to motivate me into doing more with my life. I need that, I need him to remind me to keep moving, otherwise I am comfortable with doing nothing. Shaun needs me to remind him to slow down and enjoy life. I believe if we weren’t dating, he would work from 6:00 am until 9:00 pm. He is so energized all the time.
Some of our restrictions however, are on what is the best way to use our free time. Shaun likes to work more, and I like to relax. We can feel impatient with the others tempo, which Shaun and I have learned to discuss these issues to each other. We have been good with making compromises. Lastly, I can feel a lose of true self purpose, because I merge with the individuals around me. For anyone who knows me, my dreams have changed quite a bit since I met Shaun. For the better, so it is not a bad thing, but I have been able to incorporate some of my dreams into our future plans. All of my wants are not lost, they will just take a different path.
Look into your personality and learn how you can become a better you. I look at my characteristics at least once a week to figure out ways to improve myself. Don’t forget to keep learning in this game we call life.
Your Life Tutor
-Sam
Tutors of Life 